Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
