All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
