Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
