I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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