Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
