dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
