My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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