so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
