I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
