Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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