have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
