I heard we made out
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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