I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
