All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
