I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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