STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
