If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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