You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
