if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
