did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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