you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
