Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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