hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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