Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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