Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
