My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
