i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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