I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
