I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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