in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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