Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
