That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
