we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
