I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
