he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
