I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
