brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
