Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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