apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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