somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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