This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
