You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
