He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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