I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
