the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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