Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
