please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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