Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
