the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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