We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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