When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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